What you talk about builds the house you live in.
Having said that, we are just talking about a belief, and a belief, no matter how complex or practiced it is, is no more than a lie that is not made true just because lots of people agree with it.  We can challenge these beliefs and on the show I talk about how that doesn't need to be a long, difficult process either. (Good news, for us 'strivers'!)

Books that will help you challenge your stories that I read from on the show on January 27  are:
Steve Chandler, The Story of You (and how to create a new one)
Howard Falco, I AM (due out in 2010, Penguin) in the interim you can find Howard on Facebook in the Group Master Your Reality
Debbie Ford, readings from The Secret of The Shadow

and extracted from her same book,
The healing action steps:

1. Take a journal and go somewhere quiet
2. Write your response to
Who would I be without my story?
What I am afraid I will lose if I give up my story?
3. Write down the ways you've tried to fix, or get rid of your story
4. Look at the behaviors and beliefs you hold that prevent you from accepting what is
5. List the ways you hope to avoid dealing with reality.
What changes would you make if there were no hope of a miracle happening to change things?

"If you think you can, or if you think you can't, either way, you're right." Henry Ford

We all experience the world, not as it is, but through the filter of our thoughts about it. No matter how you think of yourself, or how you have judged yourself - good news. 

Not everything you tell yourself is true.

We can stop because we started it
On the show today, It Is What You Say It is, (Jan 27) I talked about what builds the house you live in. Ever catch yourself saying "Oh, I'm not good at that"? Our opinions and beliefs build our limiting walls. I've had many clients tell me they can't manage this or that based on having never really tried it. We bust right through those to incredible new places. How? Because they are just lies.

They are lies that we install not just as our walls but also as the windows in our house. Through these lies we view the world outside: a limited place of ever decreasing possibility. It doesn't have to be this way. No matter how long ago you started, or how well practiced you are, or how scary the lie.

Luckily, you can't make a lie true, just by believing it for a long time

Love is one of the big, big areas where we make a lot of decisions about how limited our lives - and our chances! - are: there are only so many single people, only so many healthy single people, only so many not-entirely-insane single people.

Oh, we have so many fixed ideas!

But love isn't limited at all. Love is who you are and it doesn't arrive when your life partner does, or when your child hugs you, or when you complete a successful project. It is always there for you to have and depends on nothing at all. (see the show Jan 29 All You Need Is Love when I talk to John Welshons, author of One Soul, One Love, One Heart )

Greg Baer illustrated this so well in his Master Class with SuperCoach Academy this week. This is roughly the story:

So there you are sitting by the pool, enjoying the sun on your dream vacation. And someone from the pool is splashing you and splashing you, and you are getting wetter and wetter and angrier and angrier.

Then you finally move enough to look into the pool and give this person a piece of your mind, when you realize they are drowning. What would have to "happen" for you to lose you anger and get in touch with caring about them?

Nothing. Your anger is just gone in a poof, you become instantly overcome with a deep desire to help.

Love is just there, in every moment. It's a decision.

Love is just there in every moment. OK, I just said that. But...

Does that sound possible? Does that sound true? Why would you even care?
I'm reminded of an extraordinary day, a day when everyone in New York - and then around the world - suddenly became aware of the presence, the importance and the interconnectedness of us all. We were deeply moved by the preciousness of life.

What I notice when I think about 9/11 is, that day people made a choice to love, to care, to feel connected. You didn't have to. You just did. That choice is available always. Why is it important to know this? 

So you can.

Listen to the show here

We all have explanations for why our lives are the way they are:  divorce, money fear, angry households growing up. I dedicated a show to how to unravel your story and get free. (Nov 25, 2009).

The reason you might want to get to know your story is so that you can really be honest with yourself about the ways your story might be ruling your life - instead of you being in charge!  If there is something in your life you want and you haven't got round to it yet... if there is something you do, that you've promised yourself you'd stop doing, but you 'just haven't yet' ... you probably have a story about why this is the case.

If you really want to make that change that you say you are aiming for, getting shot of your story is critical.  A story is made up of all the stressful thoughts and beliefs that you hold about why things are the way they are (and usually, why they can't change!)

In the show I talk about the story of 'my father left me' and how that devastated me and ruined my relationship with my father for many years.  It's because I got wise to my story, that my father is my best friend today and we have a great relationship.  If you feel ready to start owning your life, rather than being a victim of your story I hope you'll use the show, and try out the ideas.

In this show I gave an exercise for revealing and tracing the links of your story. Here it is:

1. Turn a piece of paper sideways (landscape), in other words, it looks like a rectangle. 
2. Divide the page into 6 equal boxes by drawing a line  left to  right, across the middle of the page and then two lines going top to bottom.
3. You should now have one page with 6 boxes.
4. Label the boxes with the following titles:                                              Internal Dialogue
   Emotions
   Thoughts
   Excuses
   Behaviors
   Choices
   
5. Fill in each box - with those things that are most familiar and frequent for you. Example:  Emotions:  Shame, Anger, Frustration - might be the top three most visited emotions for  you.  Thoughts:  "I'm a failure", "I'm no good".  Behaviors: passive/aggressive, snippy with people, critical, berate self, negative self-talk,
6. Notice and trace lines that connect what you've listed in the boxes.  Example: You might trace Shame  > "I'm a failure" > berate self.  Just keep following the lines and connections you find
   
7. See what you learn about the ways these are connected - for you

Let me know how it goes!