Well Within, Elese's Blog

The Limits of Impossible

1/20/2010

Have you noticed lately that lots of things we never thought could possibly happen, have happened? Did you know bionic research is in the process of creating the 'Million Dollar Man'? (OK, actually she's a woman and she has a bionic arm she can attach where her physical arm used to be. See last months' National Geographic if you think I make this stuff up). More to the point, guess how you control a bionic arm? You use your mind. Not the conscious mind, the one that takes effort - the other one, the one that just simply 'moves the arm'.

The mind truly amazing and too wonderful a thing to waste. I believe it is not confined to a brain, but just as we supposedly activate only a small portion of the brain, we waste the true power of our mind every day.

What does this have to do with the limits of the impossible? Basically, our minds have a lot of say over what we believe is possible. Ever tried to outwit your own mind when it says - I can't? Now when I suggest we waste the capacity of the mind, I'm not talking about creative day-dreaming. I'm talking about going unconscious. For example, you might go to exercise after a hard day, let's say, taking a long run in nature but as the body oxygenates, you use your mind to replay the stress of something that happened earlier, over and over again. I'm talking about going for a massage and lying there thinking about all your faults and all the ways you hate your body. That kind of thing.

How many times have you had a wonderful idea and then stomped it out with all the reasons why it is not possible? If dreams were socks, somewhere there are drawers and drawers full of all the lost socks waiting to be found again and paired up with their owners.

Although we may be more accustomed to choking off our dreams, by labeling them 'Impossible' the good news is that we can use the same imagination either to argue for our limitations, or to find creative ways to dance our way to our target. What I'm saying is essentially, it's possible to change the film running in your head from today's matinee of fear and limitation to tomorrow's long running smash hit called your life. And while I don't think that's accomplished by "positive thinking" alone, I do think our creative resources are easier to access from a mindset of openness rather than shut-down-ness.

Argue for your limitations and quite simply, you'll have them. Unless you have a great friend (or a great coach) who will risk being honest enough to challenge you, I don't think many people will bother to take the opposite view. In fact, most people are happy for you to keep your limitations and live happily ever after with your long list of These Are The Things That Are Quite Impossible For Me, Thank You Very Much. Because they are doing exactly the same.

If this sounds horrid, it's because it is.

Challenging your 'Impossibles' is one of the most liberating experiences you can ever have. I saw it in Michael Neill's "30 Days to Creating the Impossible" and I've talked about it plenty on the show. Most recently with 'Who Says The Impossible is Impossible" (aired January 20, 2010)

To challenge your 'impossibles' I highly recommend keeping an eye out for Michael's next program. Until then, here are some things you can do/read:

Gay Hendricks' book, The Big Leap
Get past your Upper Limit Syndrome, by expanding your tolerance for things going well in your life

Barbara Sher's books Wishcraft and I Could Do Anything, If Only I Knew What It Was (I highly recommend her Twitter IdeaParties on Thursdays for getting past dream blockages!)

And you can:

Create a powerful mantra that is true and makes you feel good (use it to replace the "I can't" dialogues you've got running). "I am open to more good that I have ever experienced before" is a great one!
Create a self-care routine that puts you in touch everyday with the well of good feeling in you
Get a buddy or coach or guidance from a spiritual teacher to challenge your limiting beliefs and fears and let them go
make room in your life for new ideas by mindfulness and openness practices - especially forgiveness - which is the best mental de-clutter I know of

If you know you have a dream and you want to start getting it out of the sock drawer, talk to me about my ProjectDream Mastermind group where you can learn to get creative, take action, enjoy the process and build something you've always wanted. This is a small group of very focused people, so you'll need to talk to me to see if there's room and if it's right for you. You can write me at [email protected]

"I Need More Money - Is That True?"

1/20/2010

I just love this video! If you are not familiar with Byron Katie and how to do the work, drop me a line ([email protected]) or see Katie's site www.thework.com for all the information you need plus more videos.

If you are interested in money in particular, here is an entire page on it!

The Qualities That Will Save Your Life

1/15/2010

When I got Lynne Klippel's book, Overcomers Inc., in the post, I have to say my initial reaction was I liked the book, hated the word. Overcomers. I don't want to be an overcomer. I want to sail effortlessly through life and have everything be easy. Overcoming is such a dull, pedestrian task. Maybe, "Go Climb That Mountain!" just make you tingle with inspiration, but it makes me want to climb back into bed.

I read the book and the true life stories in it, and although I still don't like to think of myself as an overcomer, I have to admit that I am. We all are. If you got through asking someone on a first date, or wearing really high heels for the first time, you are one too.

And that's not a dull thing at all.

In fact, there are some pretty hefty qualities that we need to be able to call on when the going gets tough. Here's what I think those are:

Taking responsibility
Surrendering
Trust
Willingness

In every real life experience in that book, as well as in my own life and the lives of people I coach, these are the core of creating a new life - whether you are creating on the rubble of an old life, or you are just ready to move to the next square on the board.

Taking Responsibility
OK, swallow hard now, this is the painful part. Yes. We all have to take on the fact that we live in our bodies, and that what we chose is what makes our life a heaven or a hell-hole. Until we do, even if it's just saying, "I'm really the only one who can get me out of this mess", no change can begin. As Debbie Ford used to say in our training, over and over again, "No one is coming to save you." Ouch.

Surrender
This is a bit sucky too. When you are very used to being the project manager of the universe, or at the very least queen in your own teacup, surrendering to the idea that you just don't know how to fix it is, well, let's just say, not fun. Surrendering doesn't mean giving up, it just means giving way. You have to get your own ideas out of the way in order for new ones to come in. In my life, this often mean surrendering some idea of who I am, in order to get a glimpse of a bigger me.

Trust
We place our trust in many things, including the universe, our pets, our friends, and our lovers. Maybe you trust that things will 'all work out for good' or some other spiritual principle. Whatever you chose to trust is up to you, the one thing I know you can trust, always? Your own inner guidance. When that channel is clear it is never leading you astray. It might take you in a direction you don't like, but that's another matter!

Willingness
Oh, you have to be willing to change, to move, to be different, to let go of what you thought would be. Willingness is the oil that greases all the wheels. Willingness to try the new, to step when you can't see forward very far, and willingness to fail - help you take it all less personally. And that's a good thing.

For more on this topic listen to the radio show from January 15th with Lynne Klippel

5 Tips for Staying Balanced (by Asha Praver)

1/8/2010

Times are uncertain. There are no easy solutions. Our inner beliefs are being tested by circumstances that seem beyond our control.

Whether the future will be the same as the past, or bring an entirely new paradigm, remains to be seen.

Whatever the future holds, the present uncertainty is both an opportunity and an incentive to build inner strength. Now is the time to develop those attitudes and habits that will enable us to face, with calm acceptance and joy, whatever comes.

Here are five tips to stay balanced:

Relax Upward: Don’t think only in terms of “down time.” Think also of “up time.” There are two ways to relax. One is to shut down awareness with things like television, beer, or excessive sleep. The other way to rejuvenate is by expanding awareness. Build into your daily or weekly schedule spiritually centering activities. Learn to meditate. Read uplifting books. Attend classes on life-enhancing subjects. Listen to calm, inspiring music. Be out in nature. Get to know yourself in solitude and silence.

Be Original: To be original does not mean doing something that has never been done before. It means to act from your own point of origin. Don’t allow yourself to become a dull reflection of the world around. Think deeply. Act consciously. Be sincere in everything that you do. If circumstances require you to accommodate yourself to the needs and demands of others, concentrate on inner freedom. See yourself as a single thread in the vast, unfolding tapestry of life. Through love, compassion, and generosity of heart, make yourself into a thread of gold.

Be Creative: The secret of prosperity is creativity. This will become especially important if times get hard. Whether you define success as all the things that money can buy or all the things that money can’t buy, a creative person never accepts failure or limitation as the final decree of fate. If one approach didn’t work, then go after the same goal from another angle. See every day, every situation as a fresh opportunity to discover some yet unknown possibility. Be on the lookout for new and improved ways of doing even oft-repeated tasks. Be mentally active. If your work leaves your mind free, then sing, pray for yourself and others, memorize and repeat poetry. Creativity in itself brings joy. And sooner or later, the positive magnetism of your creative attitude will bring you whatever you seek.

You Are What You Eat: Think in terms of life force. Fresh, natural food is filled with vitality. Devitalized food makes, not only a heavy body, but also a heavy mind. In these uncertain times, you can’t afford the extra burden. There is so much life force in an apple, for example, that, if you bury it in the ground, the seeds can sprout, and one apple becomes an apple tree. Bury a “Big Mac,” and nothing more will come of it! The net result of consuming too much over-processed foods is less than zero. It takes more energy to digest such foods than they can ever give back to you in life force. Trying to right the balance with more caffeine is not the solution! You don’t have to be a fanatic and change your diet overnight. Just gradually begin eating more foods in their natural state or close to it, and your own experience will be your guide.

Strength in Numbers: You have to walk the path yourself, but you don’t have to walk it alone. In times of stress especially, the presence of like-minded companions can make all the difference in whether you keep going or give up in despair. If you don’t have supportive friends, then go out and find them! Group spiritual practices are especially beneficial, giving you the experience and power you need to go deeper on your own as well. Visit meditation centers, churches, and spiritual groups of all kinds until you find those people and practices that resonate with your own inner self.

Listen to the show with Asha here

Asha Praver is a lecturer, teacher, counselor, Spiritual Co-Director of the Ananda Palo Alto Community, and author of Swami Kriyananda as We Have Known Him. Asha has been trained in yoga, meditation, and spiritual living by Swami Kriyananda, who was a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda. Since 1969 Asha has been a disciple, a meditator, and an intentional community member. Contact Asha at www.ashapraver.com.

One minute on the extreme sport of empathy

1/5/2010

Roman Krznaric is the first person I've heard talking about the radicalism of empathy. You are right to think of empathy as caring and compassion, of course, but Roman expands that definition in only 60 seconds, asking us to widen our perspectives on the world at large and other people by becoming radical empathists journeying not only to other countries and cultures but into the lives of others with whom we share this turf.

He says, "Empathising is an avant-garde form of travel in which you step into the shoes of another person and see the world from their perspective. It is the ultimate adventure holiday – far more challenging than a bungee jump off Victoria Falls or trekking solo across the Gobi desert."

More on Roman on his blog Outrospection.org. See also, Alain de Botton and The School of Life

The Old, The New, and The Unknown

1/4/2010

This year I did something I’ve never done before. I spent New Year on my own. Alone. No parties, no champagne, no midnight kiss. Crazy, I know. And amazing.

I looked at the year ahead and I thought: "Do I want a year that looks like a hard walk uphill, or a nice path to somewhere I actually want to go? What could I do to make my goals fun and my path nicer to walk whether I got to the 'goals' or not?

I had this idea to take 4 days in personal retreat, on my own, in Baja, to just think it through. And on Wednesday, off I drove...

What would I do when I got there? There were a few things I knew I wanted to do. One was, I had the idea I could just make the year a bit easier and more 'successful' for me with some conscious planning. ('Conscious' not 'strenuous'). I wanted to really close out the last year and somehow milk the lessons from it, in a real way. I wanted to launch the New Year with a feeling of a clean slate, with some direction and focus. I wanted to spend some time giving thanks and acknowledging those who’ve helped me. And then there were the things I just wanted to leave behind in 2009 and simply say goodbye and good riddance to.

But the real reason I went on my self-imposed personal retreat is that I just had this very strong feeling. Something inside that I couldn’t ignore just said ‘do this’. Now, that to me is amazing: not the experience of knowing something, but the fact I actually listened to it. I talk a lot about listening to inner guidance, but if I’m honest I can look back on my life and see many, many times I have not.

In fact, there have been so many moments when I knew not to say yes to that second date with someone, when I realized that what was about to come out of my mouth was going to get me in big trouble, or when I withheld support from someone or judged a passerby and knew I could be less cruel. I realize, much to my horror that I know what is right for me and what is not – but that I also have an ‘override’ button. In fact, I am much more practiced at overriding my gut direction than I am at following it.

So I am particularly grateful to be able to say that 2009 was a year of paying attention to my inner compass, and learning to follow the pointy arrow.

As for my retreat, that was also a success. I reviewed the old and said farewell. I welcomed the new and created space for it. I came to my desk this morning with an invigorated sense of possibility and some new commitments. I don’t have the year mapped out, and there are no ‘shoulds’ or ‘to do’ lists. But I have created a map for 2010 that will be fun to explore.

It won’t be news to anyone to know that if I intend to explore new territory, I’ll need not just my new map, but also a few new tools. For me, that means some new habits (creating more, writing more) and some renewed commitments (making the radio show more meaningful and more helpful in serving people). It involves planned giving for the first time. This is probably where the whole exercise of going on a retreat has been most useful, because I was able to spend 4 days not only thinking “What would I like to create next year?” but also to look at “…and how would that look; what would I need to change if I were to do that?” It was an exercise in imagination that I would not have engaged in quite the same way if I’d stayed home.

Four days alone over New Year proved to be one of the best things I’ve ever done and there were a couple additional keys to this being so fruitful for me. Here’s what I took with me:

Jacob Glass’s “2010 Miraculous booklet”. A complete spiritual review of your year and setting a plan for the next. Available to download for free on his site www.jacobglass.com
Jinny Ditzler’s Best Year Yet - build your12-month personal plan online at www.bestyearyet.com. A fantastic review tool!
Barbara Sher's book, I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was. In case I ran out of ideas on what to do. This proved invaluable! www.barbarasher.com
A Course in Miracles (on Kindle for iPhone) To continue the daily practice of the workbook.
Debbie Ford’s powerful questions from her newsletter 2010: Destination of Your Dreams from The Light & The Dark weekly newsletter (You will find more in her book Best Year of Your Life). Here's the link those questions, also published in her article in the Huffington Post
Three years of notes from my coaching and apprenticeship with Michael Neill. What can I say? Simply, OMG. www.geniuscatalyst.com
One stuffed-to-the-gills notebook with all my life learning and notes from my training in What One Person Can Do (see my coaching site www.newmindsetcoaching.com for more on One Person)
All the notes from my radio shows

And on top of this, I packed a ‘self-coaching’ attitude (which for me meant asking myself key questions, observing my responses and creative journaling), a box of colored pens and a huge Post It sticky pad. Then I mixed and stirred into the recipe, one bottle of wine, PG Tips Tea, fresh pesto, organic salad, lots of fish tacos from the local dive, the Matrix Trilogy, my ipod and four absolutely stunning sunsets.

Not invited were: email inbox, Facebook, Twitter. My iPhone was for Kindle only (Is now a good time to apologize for being AWOL all last week?)

End result: Wow.

One of my sunsets

The one who dies with the most shoes wins?

12/23/2009

You know those moments when you 'space out' for a bit? It just lasts a few seconds. But it gives me shivers to think that could apply to a whole life. I have this horrible thought that I might wake up one day and realize I didn't have I life, just a lot of Coach bags. A life who's motto would be "I came, I slept, I shopped."

One of the books that really fed my longing for more awareness and conscious action in my own life is Anthony de Mello's "Awareness." Please put this book on your 'read before I die' list. De Mello was a Jesuit priest, a delightful, spiritual - and very frank - man who cared about all of us knowing that it was possible to live life awake. He begins the book, which is a transcript of his lectures "Wake Up To Life" at Fordham University by saying we "are born asleep, we marry in our sleep and we die asleep." Not a new idea. One that many other teachers would agree with, from Don Miguel Ruiz to Jesus. The really horrifying this about this idea for me is that we can be asleep, but not even know it. Like in the film, The Matrix.

Watched The Matrix lately? It's interesting that first line.

Wake up, Neo...

Awareness for me is a commitment. I wanted to live 'awake' (I use that carefully, as I try to be mindful of setting up some states as 'good' and others as 'bad') for some practical reasons: so I could stop repeating some old mistakes, not be so motivated by fear and become more open to getting better answers for myself.

It has proved to be a very fruitful place for me to explore.

To hear my show on Awareness from December 23rd
It includes Anthony de Mello's 4 ways of taking action to come into greater awareness that you can try out for yourself

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Change the World in 60 Seconds or Less

12/22/2009

After talking to Bryan Douglas, author of "Doing Good Works" on Friday's show,
I asked if I could share some of his terrific ideas about changing the world in one minute. I've selected a few personal favorites alongside 'compliment someone's tattoo or piercing' so, if you got a minute here's ways to invest in world change.

"A Few Things You Can Do to Change Our World

Please keep in mind that these suggestions are not intended
as legal, financial, medical, or spiritual advice. This list is not so much to
be read as to be consulted ... a reference guide when you are looking
for new ideas.

•Learn a new joke and tell it to someone. You know the
saying about “the healing power of laughter.” That saying
appears to have some truth to it.

• Give a sincere compliment to a friend, a relative, a stranger,
an employee, a child, a senior citizen, or yourself. Compli-
ments are free, but they do wonders for the spirit.

• Personally thank a soldier, teacher, nurse, artist, musician,
crossing guard, police officer, fire fighter, EMT, or any
other deserving person.

• Do something to leave every place you visit a little bit
better than the way you found it.

• Pick up a piece of trash and throw it away. If everyone
did this once per day, litter would no longer be much of
a problem.

• Turn off the water when you brush your teeth. This saves
more water than you may think.

• Extinguish and properly dispose of your cigarette butts
if you smoke. Cigarette butts are litter, just like other
trash.

• When you choose to do something, make a decision to
do it to the best of your ability. It only takes one moment
to make a decision.

• Tell someone special how you feel about them. This is
more powerful than you may think.

• Hold the door for someone. Chivalry is not dead—it’s
just not doing too well these days. We can bring it back
from the brink. Showing basic manners can restore hope
in humanity for those who observe.
.
• Smile and greet a stranger

* Leave an encouraging note for someone in your house
or workplace.

• Let someone in front of you in traffic. This type of kind-
ness helps to lessen “road rage.”

• Let a pedestrian cross. Maybe even two.

• Make sure that someone who lets you into traffic or
lets you cross the street sees you wave and express
thanks. This will encourage him or her to keep up the
good work."
printed with permission from Doing Good Works! by Bryan Douglas

There are many more things I'm sure you can think of, plus more wonderful lists of things in Bryan's book - some that take as many as 10 whole minutes.

Of the 1-minute suggestions, these are my personal favorites:

• Jot down your own good deeds throughout the day. It is
encouraging to see just how many little positive changes
you can pack into a day.

• Apologize without expecting forgiveness.

• Forgive without expecting an apology.

love,

Elese

Click here for my show with Bryan

Mindless Giving, Mindful Living

12/21/2009

Calligraphy, Deer Park Monastery

If I'm feeling stressed and pressed rather than blessed, it's a sign to look inside and see what's up. Tempting though it may be to think having lots to do is what creates my busy schedule, what is actually true is that I run my schedule and, even if I am rushing what is my excuse for not being mindful as I go?

I had the opportunity to talk to Bryan Douglas, who wrote "Doing Good Works!" on the show last Friday. He decided to test the idea that we Pay It Forward and decided to go out and help people. That seemed meaningful to me. It made me want to look and see if my own giving had meaning in the way I hope or whether I'm mindlessly sending cards and buying presents and simply going through the motions.

I guess I had a feeling that there was a sense I might be going through the motions in some ways. In the newsletter last week I included some wonderful thoughts from Jonathan Ellerby, the author of "Return to the Sacred". One of the ideas he raised was that the holidays are a time which naturally give rise to 'spiritual reflection and celebration.' If I'm not feeling that, maybe there's a reason? His words and the simple practices he suggests reminded me that putting the 'how' into the holiday is not difficult to do - no matter how busy we are getting the last projects done, while packing, planning, wrapping and cooking. He suggests practicing old-fashioned kindness toward others, saying yes only to what we can really commit to, and to remember to breathe (and while you take that walk in nature, to notice that the animals are not having difficulty making this holiday pleasant).

As I slow down, clear the calendar and consider what I really want to make time for, I realize that to have anything to give at all, I have just got to remain as connected to my own center as I can. Anything less and I'm just flying around like a kyte off the string.

I remind myself that I am committed to take care of myself and to notice when I'm off center. Thich Nhat Hanh is a wonderful teacher of mindfulness, (as well as a tremendous peace activist) and on the website for the Deer Park Monestary it says:

"Mindfulness is the energy of being aware and awake to the present moment. It is the continuous practice of touching life deeply in every moment of daily life. To be mindful is to be truly alive and present with those around you and with what you are doing. We bring our body and mind into harmony while we wash the dishes, drive the car or take our morning cup of tea."

Instead of becoming 'wrapped up' in doing, this an invitation for me to stop and take stock of who and how I am being. And like Bryan probably felt when he just gave a stranger a lift for no other reason than to help out, that just feels good.

Thich Nhat Hanh

More on how giving to ourselves is our best holiday gift in my show with Jack Armstrong
More on the retreat events offered at Deer Park, including their holiday events can be found on www.deerparkmonastery.org/events

Exploring your own happy

12/14/2009

Last week on the show "Will the Real Happy please stand up..." I spent some time digging below the surface of a very commonly accepted idea: happiness is inside you. Very few people would quarrel with that idea anymore. We seem to have a sense that we can't find happiness outside ourselves, but guess what? We look anyway. As I heard this week. "I know money doesn't buy happiness but I'd like the chance to find out for myself!"

The way to find out about happiness could well be to become a gazillionaire and see, but between now and then, there's lots you can do to understand what happiness is for you. The show looks at these, and you also have two archive shows with Robert Holden (on June 5th and July 24th) exploring the 10+ Keys to Happiness. Great shows.

Meanwhile, if you'd like to explore this right now, here are some questions for you to journal on or think about:

What are the top 5 lessons on happiness your life has taught you so far? For each one....

How has it influenced your life?

How well have you learned it?

And you might want to take on a practice for the week to notice

When you are at your happiest

When you feel most alive / on purpose

Let me know how you go...

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