I realize that our internal voice is not always very nice to us, but I think the internal voice is usually trying to keep us safe. 

That doesn't mean we need to believe everything it says.

I've learned a lot recently about the brain and how it works many of my different radio show guests, but two in particular who came to talk to me were Rick Hanson, and also Don Goewey.  Both have done separate research (and their books are well worth reading) showing essentially that the reptilian brain, which is part of our now bigger and more complex brain, is still on the lookout for physical dangers like saber-tooth tigers and such.   One of the most fascinating by products of this is that we have brains that tend to collect evidence of danger and ignore what is non-threatening. 

I think this connects to our negative internal dialogue and becomes an integral part of the narration that goes on as we attempt to avoid danger and stay safe.   This part of us will tend to bank negative experiences and simply neglect to register positive ones.  This brain which used to be all we had to keep us safe from all kinds of physical dangers, continues to look out for us today in our every day surroundings using its primitive impulses.   

One of the ways we are often told to deal with our internal voices are to shut them up. In fact one common tool used is to turn down the volume in your mind.   Now, you wouldn't want to turn down your danger voice so much that you walked right into the worst of situations.  However, you really also don't need the alarm bells ringing 24/7 either.  So volume control is an important skill when your internal dialogue is filled with negative chatter and danger warnings that lead to feelings of chronic stress.

What I've found is for me it also works to say "Look, there are no lions here, so just calm down."

Things happen every day that we do not like.

Maybe something small, like getting a paper cut or breaking a nail.  Annoying, but no big deal.  And then there are the bigger things: plummeting stocks, an unexpected vet bill, something major goes wrong with your car... on and on.

We can't rid ourselves of annoyances.  Things happen that we cannot control, no matter how much we try to.

If my plane is late or cancelled, I understand that I can't fix or change as I stand at the ticket desk.  But as I stand there, who will I be?   I could have any number of experiences, from fury to friendliness, from annoyance to understanding.  I can just as well say to myself, "These things happen," as"This is always happening to me!"

No matter what our 'personality type' we are still choosing our focus.

Focus on certain things will leave us feeling relaxed.  Focus on other things will leave us tense. We know this because we can use devices like visualizing petting the cat or to breathing as we envision the tension flow out our feet and into the ground. We can just touch base with something we appreciate like having great friends (or reminding myself how lucky I am that just spent an entire week with my Dad). Feeling grateful and annoyed at the same time is actually impossible. Or we can empathize with others, looking around to find those who are having a worse time than we are or imagining what it's like to be the ticket agents who have to be the brunt of people's frustrations every day.

These techniques that bring us back to the moment, calm us down, and restore our sanity, won't wipe out stock losses, get planes off the ground or stop time.  But they do feel better.

And I'll tell you what else feels better to me: to know that I have a choice.

And yunno, if I want to feel bad,  I know just how to do that too.

Early in the morning I'm walking down a NY street.  I'm considering the sun and the day ahead and I'm enjoying being in a city that's strange to me.  I'm having a reflective walk and a very nice experience.

Walking toward me is a woman. We are the only two on the entire block. She looks straight ahead, she is dressed nicely, makeup on, clutching her bag across her chest.  She is walking and crying.

As we pass I can see that her eyes are very puffy and swollen and her face is wet with tears.  I don't know how long she has been crying.

I immediately feel drawn to her.  I remember times in my life when I have walked on the street pulling back the tears.  An intense surge of compassion, love and connection fills me as we walk past each other.

As I walk on, I can still feel her.  Here we are, on a NY street, no one in site, no cars, only the morning sun on the buildings and two people walking.  What strikes me is that nothing is happening.

Nothing is happening except two people passing.

The contrast of nothing happening and a woman clearly in pain tells me one thing: she has to be playing some kind of painful thought in her mind.  There is no other possiblity.  All the suffering and all the tears are the response, not to the current outside environment but to her current inside one. 

She is in hell right now because of the film playing behind the eyes

How many days have we all lived in this kind of hell and our walking, crying meditation?

OK, it's time for a rant.

Anyone here not had enough of their suffering and worried thinking yet? Please stand up and go make a cup of tea.

Those still sitting...if you want to become clearer in thinking and expression (and you don't have an undiagnosed chemical imbalance) then the only remedy I know is a daily dose of quietness of the mind.

You really don't even know what the roots of problems are (or how to solve them) until you come into better control of the thought process.  Now by 'control' I really mean that you come to a place of ease and clarity in thinking.  Not that you become the thought patrol.

Paradoxically, though, the only way I know to create that 'ease and clarity' is to stop dabbling and get serious about some kind of daily practice.  I'm not saying you can't get a quiet mind another way. 

But for most of us, ease will take effort.

Sucks huh?

Look, if there is a good chance your issues are not chemical, dietary, or medical, then there is a high chance this just might work.  So what it really means if you don't do it is super simple.  You really have not had enough yet (see my previous posts on this one, just below!).

I bet you have already been exposed to enough great methods and enough superb advice and information by now to be able to choose something that you like and that works for you as a mind-calming practice.  Choose the thing that gives you the greatest sense of peace, ease and focus and then commit, absolutely, to make it happen daily - no matter what.  I mean that.  Like, Everyday.

That's my unsolicited (but sound) advice.

So how about it? Hearing the objections in your head?  Got a really good story about why that can't happen? Stop listening to it right now and pick up your phone.  Getting a routine going when you're not used to it can be hard for anyone, so get a daily check in buddy who you will report to.

Barring that, hire a coach. Pick someone you know is going take no excuses and is going to support you lovingly and tell you the truth.  I want you to pay for their great service.

Because if you do that, what you will be doing is telling you, finally, that you are serious.

You'll be glad you did.  But you won't know that for a while so just take my advice.  Feel free to curse as much as you want, but get started anyway.

Ready. Steady. Go.

More on commitment and practice and just how good it feels (maybe)
Radio show
2/24/10  Get Creative, Get Unstuck 
2/05/10  Ultimate Psychological Freedom
1/22/10   Procrastinate No More
Other Commitment and Procrastination- busters

I have some good news.  Everything is in your head.

If that doesn't sound like good news, let me explain.  The key to open possiblity lies here.

Consider for a moment, the things around you.  Whatever you look at two things happen:  1) You see it: See a lamp (ignore a wall) 2) You have a name for it.  That is another way of saying you have thoughts about it.   "Lamp" may be a name we all agree on, but you still see your version.  You will find a lamp 'pretty,' 'ugly,' or 'misplaced'.

So, you actually experience the lamp (and the world) by way of your own thoughts. And thoughts show you a world of your own making. 

This does not mean you just imagined all the bad stuff in the world or in your life.  But you do make up the filter through which you view life and that's called Context. (Your pair of glasses!)

Basically, how you speak into the world (and into your head) shapes a context.  You live and move around in that context.  And context is how you interpret what's possible for you. See how this could be good news?

For example, in the context of "the world is flat" you would be a heck of a lot
less likely to sign up for a round-the-world sailing expedition. Yet, it would
be only your thoughts about a 'flat world' that would stop you. Obviously you
couldn't ever really be in a flat world, we know that now.

But, isn't it fascinating you can experience a flat world all the same? Many people did!

All you have to do is think how many people ONLY ever "experienced" the world as flat to see the power of thought and word to create your life. If everyone in
Columbus' day came back to life right now, they'd probably still try to keep you
from getting on that boat.

How you speak into the world (and into your head) shapes a context for what you
do because it tells you what's possible before you are even out the door.

And sometimes it discourages you from dangers that don't exist.

I'm in favor of relieving myself of others' opinions of what's possible. Especially as I can create my own context. Creating a context by telling myself  'lot's can happen', or 'life is for learning' helps me have a more open-ended view of life, instead of a tapestry of limiting thoughts masquerading as truth.

Who do you need to not listen to today?  And what context would you like to create?