Pair #85  What I'll do to feel good, and what feels good to do

The first quarter of this year has now passed.  I sit down and reflect.  I'll think about what I'm grateful for,   I'll take time out from 'busy' to visit and spend time with what is meaningful to me. (more about that here)

One of the mistakes I've made many times, is not taking the time to just have a fireside chat with the me I'd like to have show up in my life.  Lately, I have some questions...

What would the me who's not afraid like to do?

What would the me who knows she is safe like to try out?

What would the me who is pure enjoyment like to express?

So often, I've looked at my life from the point of view of what I assumed was possible, probable or within reason.  Or simply what would make me feel better.

Instead of looking for what wanted to come up from inside me and get out.

And I know exactly what, the more I look.  Or at least I know one thing.

I know how to tell the difference between what is my authentic desire and what I tend to do to try to alleviate my worries and concerns.

Genuine desire feels different.  It feels good.  And it feels good whether I think I can have what I desire and whether I consider that 'possible' or not.  

And that's way different from doing something in order to feel better.

One month ago I made a commitment to write a book.  I made a commitment that I've kept relatively quiet as I nurtured this very personal desire to do something that has more to do with expressing what's inside me then trying to 'be a writer' or write a book in order to not be disappointed with myself.

This is a totally different process.

I decided to write the most self honest account of a life ever written and to share my stories and my learnings so openly that anyone could draw their own insight and healing from them.

And here is the thing about a genuine desire. It came paired up with total commitment.

If you've ever tried to commit to something and failed (and I committed to this book many, many failed times!) then you know how gruff that experience is.

And I'm here to tell you it probably wasn't an authentic desire. 

The measure? How you feel about it. 

If you sit back to reflect on your progress at some point, and on what you feel committed to, see if you are able to discern the difference between

What I do because it feels good to me.

What I do to me to try to feel good.

...or actually give in to the temptation to gift your children to your neighbor

...or just get in the car and drive Route 66 just to see where you end up

...or stay in bed splitting Oreos because that just sounds WAY better than a paycheck right now

curl the toes back, don't jump in the bath holding a loaded hairdryer
and see if the link below won't help - it's a freebie from me - it's meant to help bring you back from the ledge
(just skip right down if you want and grab it)

The dread truth?

it's a mess of badness out there
and
Finally getting that new job, new partner or new President will not fix this hairball of hornets.

No matter how many times you swap out the boyfriend, lift, tuck, tan, or trim up,
SOMETHING is headed your way to disturb your peace of mind

and yet I work with people and see
Mrs. "Fed Up" who can hardly stand the sight of her man and wants to tamper with his brake fluid, find complete peace of mind
Mr. "Rager" who's white-knuckling the steering wheel and aiming for the next brick wall, find a place in him of no-stress

I could go on, but want to respect your time, so I'll just say I'm
supremely encouraged by this, not just because it means more people are breathing today,
but because it happens in the middle of life as we know it: job losses, overwork, bankruptcy, and breakdowns
and it is not a gimmick  (hey, you know me, that's not my deal)

So yes, I also have a purpose in writing this
First, I had a crazy idea that it was possible to end people's suffering completely through some simple ideas that I teach

Check out this video I made about how to feel good on my website home page

it's all about how we can move to feeling well in ourselves no matter what is going on

The evidence from my classes has already shown

You can have peace of mind and not suffer
without the world ever changing

Please feel free to not believe me; but don't expect me to keep this to myself.

Now maybe you know someone suffering right now
you're watching and it's painful,

have we had enough now, do you think?

God I hope so.
Now the point: I have a gift for you, it may help

Audio on How To Have Wellbeing - (50mins)  feel free to pass round
Listen Now
Download Now (listen later)

If you like this and it makes a difference then I have a request.
If you do know (and care about) someone in pain,
would you simply forward them this free audio ?
(which I want them to have as a gift from you)

Would you do it perhaps even right now or in the next few days if you can?

They may hear something brain-crackingly important
something small and simple, but that arises from someplace inside
that might fling open the exit door out of personal hell and into personal well-being

and if you really, really dig these ideas,
Spread the word about this class I'm teaching where people are making this happen:

http://www.elesecoit.com/wellbeing-classes.html

Just a warning - it won't hurt you in the pocketbook but there is a serious risk is that it will be the end of suffering. For you or someone you love.

Was that worth reading all this for?   (ask your friend, perhaps?)

I sure hope so.  

I hope it's lightened your day even for a moment.

But my deeper hope is that life be good. As it should be. As you deserve.

I read Heart-Broken Open and what amazes me about author Kristine Carlson is her ability to remain with the unknown.  She took time to be with the hearbreak of losing her husband, to live with it as a natural (albeit painful) part of life, to not reject it and eventually and in some way to welcome it. 

And I found that beautiful. After all when the unknown comes knocking it is

Not a comfortable place to make camp.

When life tosses us a curve ball and we wobble a bit,  most often the difficult thing about it is that it feels like we are swinging in the dark.  It is hard when we cannot see the next step. We can't see how it will work out.

We've been dropped into the unknown.

And we want out.  Fast. Of course, that's problematic when we can't get rid of things simply by ignoring or avoiding them. So how do we live with not knowing how it will all turn out and having little power to change things sometimes?

Sometimes we believe we can escape by thinking our way out. We start overthinking. We ruminate. We worry. As if we could apply enough worry to something to solve it!  We try to find peace by over-intellectualizing and we want to leave nothing unknown, no stone unturned, no mystery unexplained. 

Even our 'mystery novels' are tied up neatly in the end, now I think about it...

It is as if we have lost tolerance for mystery. Our scientific-driven world dislikes the unknown and the unknowable in ways that ancient civilizations did not.

How will we discover something new if we can't invite the mystery of life, instead of pushing it away?

When was the last time you answered a question "I don't know"?

Personally I've really suffered from the I should know by now syndrome.

In many cases, if not all, my life would have been better served if I had let go of trying to know and found a way to allow myself to be moved and changed by what was happening. But I wanted out of the hot water as fast as I could.  Maybe its the discomfort. The discomfort with being uncomfortable.

So as I've fought with what life throws me, I look back and notice I've been dragged kicking and screaming to my greatest learning experiences.  All of which, I am now most grateful for. 

My question is, knowing the discomfort, how do you go at life with an open stance and open arms? 

It is not easy. Christine showed me ways I never imagined that you could grow and become more peaceful in yourself by accepting all the feelings that arise and not trying to push them away or rationalize them.

It seems to me that the measure of peace of mind is not so much that we are in some consistent state with no moods, no ups and downs, and no frenzy, but that finding peace is actually about making peace with the fact that we do have moods, we do get upset and we do get a little crazy sometimes.

That's not excuse-making, that's just being bigger than what happens to you.

One of my wonderful teachers in life, Jacob Glass, often talks about how we choose to come at life.  I find his way of approaching life worth trying out. It's called "Lots Can Happen" (read more here).

And if you love living life as an experiment, listen to myself and Jen Louden on Friday, March 11 on the radio show.  She and I talk about how her new SAVOR AND SERVE life experiment begins with not knowing the answer, but looking forward to finding out!