Pair #83 Afraid to know and not know?
I read Heart-Broken Open and what amazes me about author Kristine Carlson is her ability to remain with the unknown. She took time to be with the hearbreak of losing her husband, to live with it as a natural (albeit painful) part of life, to not reject it and eventually and in some way to welcome it.
And I found that beautiful. After all when the unknown comes knocking it is
Not a comfortable place to make camp.
When life tosses us a curve ball and we wobble a bit, most often the difficult thing about it is that it feels like we are swinging in the dark. It is hard when we cannot see the next step. We can't see how it will work out.
We've been dropped into the unknown.
And we want out. Fast. Of course, that's problematic when we can't get rid of things simply by ignoring or avoiding them. So how do we live with not knowing how it will all turn out and having little power to change things sometimes?
Sometimes we believe we can escape by thinking our way out. We start overthinking. We ruminate. We worry. As if we could apply enough worry to something to solve it! We try to find peace by over-intellectualizing and we want to leave nothing unknown, no stone unturned, no mystery unexplained.
Even our 'mystery novels' are tied up neatly in the end, now I think about it...
It is as if we have lost tolerance for mystery. Our scientific-driven world dislikes the unknown and the unknowable in ways that ancient civilizations did not.
How will we discover something new if we can't invite the mystery of life, instead of pushing it away?
When was the last time you answered a question "I don't know"?
Personally I've really suffered from the I should know by now syndrome.
In many cases, if not all, my life would have been better served if I had let go of trying to know and found a way to allow myself to be moved and changed by what was happening. But I wanted out of the hot water as fast as I could. Maybe its the discomfort. The discomfort with being uncomfortable.
So as I've fought with what life throws me, I look back and notice I've been dragged kicking and screaming to my greatest learning experiences. All of which, I am now most grateful for.
My question is, knowing the discomfort, how do you go at life with an open stance and open arms?
It is not easy. Christine showed me ways I never imagined that you could grow and become more peaceful in yourself by accepting all the feelings that arise and not trying to push them away or rationalize them.
It seems to me that the measure of peace of mind is not so much that we are in some consistent state with no moods, no ups and downs, and no frenzy, but that finding peace is actually about making peace with the fact that we do have moods, we do get upset and we do get a little crazy sometimes.
That's not excuse-making, that's just being bigger than what happens to you.
One of my wonderful teachers in life, Jacob Glass, often talks about how we choose to come at life. I find his way of approaching life worth trying out. It's called "Lots Can Happen" (read more here).
And if you love living life as an experiment, listen to myself and Jen Louden on Friday, March 11 on the radio show. She and I talk about how her new SAVOR AND SERVE life experiment begins with not knowing the answer, but looking forward to finding out!
And I found that beautiful. After all when the unknown comes knocking it is
Not a comfortable place to make camp.
When life tosses us a curve ball and we wobble a bit, most often the difficult thing about it is that it feels like we are swinging in the dark. It is hard when we cannot see the next step. We can't see how it will work out.
We've been dropped into the unknown.
And we want out. Fast. Of course, that's problematic when we can't get rid of things simply by ignoring or avoiding them. So how do we live with not knowing how it will all turn out and having little power to change things sometimes?
Sometimes we believe we can escape by thinking our way out. We start overthinking. We ruminate. We worry. As if we could apply enough worry to something to solve it! We try to find peace by over-intellectualizing and we want to leave nothing unknown, no stone unturned, no mystery unexplained.
Even our 'mystery novels' are tied up neatly in the end, now I think about it...
It is as if we have lost tolerance for mystery. Our scientific-driven world dislikes the unknown and the unknowable in ways that ancient civilizations did not.
How will we discover something new if we can't invite the mystery of life, instead of pushing it away?
When was the last time you answered a question "I don't know"?
Personally I've really suffered from the I should know by now syndrome.
In many cases, if not all, my life would have been better served if I had let go of trying to know and found a way to allow myself to be moved and changed by what was happening. But I wanted out of the hot water as fast as I could. Maybe its the discomfort. The discomfort with being uncomfortable.
So as I've fought with what life throws me, I look back and notice I've been dragged kicking and screaming to my greatest learning experiences. All of which, I am now most grateful for.
My question is, knowing the discomfort, how do you go at life with an open stance and open arms?
It is not easy. Christine showed me ways I never imagined that you could grow and become more peaceful in yourself by accepting all the feelings that arise and not trying to push them away or rationalize them.
It seems to me that the measure of peace of mind is not so much that we are in some consistent state with no moods, no ups and downs, and no frenzy, but that finding peace is actually about making peace with the fact that we do have moods, we do get upset and we do get a little crazy sometimes.
That's not excuse-making, that's just being bigger than what happens to you.
One of my wonderful teachers in life, Jacob Glass, often talks about how we choose to come at life. I find his way of approaching life worth trying out. It's called "Lots Can Happen" (read more here).
And if you love living life as an experiment, listen to myself and Jen Louden on Friday, March 11 on the radio show. She and I talk about how her new SAVOR AND SERVE life experiment begins with not knowing the answer, but looking forward to finding out!
© 2010 Elese Coit
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' on http://elesecoit.com"
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' on http://elesecoit.com"
