Pair #35 Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
Do you experience stress when making decisions? I've been thinking about the decision-making process and there are two things I notice. One is that the stress is highest while we are thinking about the need to decide (but not making the decision) and the stress disappears as soon as we make a decision.
In short the time we most suffer is during the time we are feeling uncertain. So over the last two weeks, I've been testing out two ways to do uncertainty: Being unsure and taking action (forward movement) and being unsure and not taking action (stasis).
We are always in one of those two places. I can't see any in-between.
To illustrate. Let's say, you are in uncertainty about whether or not to stay in a relationship with someone. If you date someone and you are not sure they are right for you, but don't break up with them - that would constitute being unsure but taking no action.
Here's the odd thing, though, no matter how often you repeat: "Oh, I don't know what to do!" what you might notice is that actually, a decision has been made. Until you leave, you’ve clearly decided to stay. For now.
Given this, I think perhaps what frees us up most is not the moment that we finally make the cut one way or the other, but is the clarity to notice and to understand that actually we have already decided. And then realizing we can decide again. And again. And again. Decisions are only right now. Not forever.
Noticing this also does something else, it reminds us that we have the power and that each moment is new. We are actually making decisions all the time in this way. We answer the phone, we don't, we order one thing and not another. Where does this information come from? "Deciding?"
Byron Katie used to confuse me when she'd say, "I don't decide to stand up. I look around and I notice I am standing." It took me a while to see what this meant. Here is how I finally got what she was talking about.
Sit down and then try to make your body stand up by using your power of decision - by deciding to moving each muscle you that need to use to stand - What happens? Where will you begin? Which muscle will you consciously need to decide to move first? What happens if you decide to move a different one?
In the end we are in a constant state of choosing and it's easy to see those choices by looking at where we are. The nice thing to know is that we can chose again, right now.
In short the time we most suffer is during the time we are feeling uncertain. So over the last two weeks, I've been testing out two ways to do uncertainty: Being unsure and taking action (forward movement) and being unsure and not taking action (stasis).
We are always in one of those two places. I can't see any in-between.
To illustrate. Let's say, you are in uncertainty about whether or not to stay in a relationship with someone. If you date someone and you are not sure they are right for you, but don't break up with them - that would constitute being unsure but taking no action.
Here's the odd thing, though, no matter how often you repeat: "Oh, I don't know what to do!" what you might notice is that actually, a decision has been made. Until you leave, you’ve clearly decided to stay. For now.
Given this, I think perhaps what frees us up most is not the moment that we finally make the cut one way or the other, but is the clarity to notice and to understand that actually we have already decided. And then realizing we can decide again. And again. And again. Decisions are only right now. Not forever.
Noticing this also does something else, it reminds us that we have the power and that each moment is new. We are actually making decisions all the time in this way. We answer the phone, we don't, we order one thing and not another. Where does this information come from? "Deciding?"
Byron Katie used to confuse me when she'd say, "I don't decide to stand up. I look around and I notice I am standing." It took me a while to see what this meant. Here is how I finally got what she was talking about.
Sit down and then try to make your body stand up by using your power of decision - by deciding to moving each muscle you that need to use to stand - What happens? Where will you begin? Which muscle will you consciously need to decide to move first? What happens if you decide to move a different one?
In the end we are in a constant state of choosing and it's easy to see those choices by looking at where we are. The nice thing to know is that we can chose again, right now.
© 2010 Elese Coit
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' each day on http://elesecoit.com"
Thank you.
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' each day on http://elesecoit.com"
Thank you.
