Pair #89 How did you get into my head?
"There is only one way to happiness, and that is to stop worrying about things that are beyond our control." ~ Epictetus
I was thinking about today's topic: things that are out of our control. It reminded me of something that happened in my life that I hadn't thought about for a long time.
When I was 20 I had a stalker.
Now, he was someone who wouldn't leave me alone, and wouldn't leave my friends alone and would go to any lengths to find me. No matter how hard I tried to hide, eventually he would turn up at work or at my door. I became very frightened, and I remember vividly to this day what it was like to wonder whether I was safe, whether he would find me, whether something bad was about to happen.
A situation like this has many elements that are out of control. I couldn't have control over his actions, decisions or whereabouts. I also felt very little control in my own life.
Looking back on this event I know that I had very little understanding of my inner world, and even while I was taking action on the outside to protect myself, it took me a while to see and overcome the inner panic that I took with me everywhere I went.
And there is one learning from this I cherish and would like to talk about today:
my inner state is mine.
It cannot really be disturbed by anyone or anything else.
When I fled the country to 'get away' all those years ago, I wish I had known that I didn't have to take him with me in my head. That particular piece of the story took a bit longer for me to see. Now I know more about my own state of mind and the elements that play into how I feel within myself.
And, in the end, I'm very glad that other people can't actually step into our heads.
We do have to let them in.
Which means we can kick them out.
When I was 20 I had a stalker.
Now, he was someone who wouldn't leave me alone, and wouldn't leave my friends alone and would go to any lengths to find me. No matter how hard I tried to hide, eventually he would turn up at work or at my door. I became very frightened, and I remember vividly to this day what it was like to wonder whether I was safe, whether he would find me, whether something bad was about to happen.
A situation like this has many elements that are out of control. I couldn't have control over his actions, decisions or whereabouts. I also felt very little control in my own life.
Looking back on this event I know that I had very little understanding of my inner world, and even while I was taking action on the outside to protect myself, it took me a while to see and overcome the inner panic that I took with me everywhere I went.
And there is one learning from this I cherish and would like to talk about today:
my inner state is mine.
It cannot really be disturbed by anyone or anything else.
When I fled the country to 'get away' all those years ago, I wish I had known that I didn't have to take him with me in my head. That particular piece of the story took a bit longer for me to see. Now I know more about my own state of mind and the elements that play into how I feel within myself.
And, in the end, I'm very glad that other people can't actually step into our heads.
We do have to let them in.
Which means we can kick them out.
