Pair #63, Just Get Me Out of Here
Talking to Freeman Michaels today about how we relate to our bodies - and how one of the keys to looking at this is developing a new relationship with discomfort.
That seems very true.
I can see all the distractions and covers up and excuses I've created to paper over being uncomfortable with discomfort. When someone in is going through a hard time, I definitely want the situation to end. A dear friend is going through what most would call a 'grueling' divorce. I notice, looking at it, that my position, even as I try to be supportive, is really saying "This is hard for me to watch." I can tell because rather than listening, I am in problem-solving mode. I can see how unhelpful that is.
What I want to say, when I consider how I would really like to be, is how much I trust that they will get through it, that things will be fine, that I love them just the same, that there is good in everything. I want to give true support and love.
When we reach the point of discomfort - be it in a yoga pose stretched to capacity, standing in front of the pastry counter with sugar cravings reaching a peak, or listening to someone giving us honest feedback - and we feel the panic and discomfort rising, all we want to do is make it stop. Rarely do we consider that we might very well survive this moment. Period. Even by doing nothing but standing in it (much less by actually deciding to move toward it!).
In many self-growth practices this idea of moving toward the pain is called learning to 'be with'. Hospice workers learn it thoroughly, but for the rest of us, it can be a shock to step toward and not away.
Learning to 'be with' is one of things I can really suck at sometimes.
So... how do I want to be with the part of me that wants to be rid of that part of me that really sucks at this?
That seems very true.
I can see all the distractions and covers up and excuses I've created to paper over being uncomfortable with discomfort. When someone in is going through a hard time, I definitely want the situation to end. A dear friend is going through what most would call a 'grueling' divorce. I notice, looking at it, that my position, even as I try to be supportive, is really saying "This is hard for me to watch." I can tell because rather than listening, I am in problem-solving mode. I can see how unhelpful that is.
What I want to say, when I consider how I would really like to be, is how much I trust that they will get through it, that things will be fine, that I love them just the same, that there is good in everything. I want to give true support and love.
When we reach the point of discomfort - be it in a yoga pose stretched to capacity, standing in front of the pastry counter with sugar cravings reaching a peak, or listening to someone giving us honest feedback - and we feel the panic and discomfort rising, all we want to do is make it stop. Rarely do we consider that we might very well survive this moment. Period. Even by doing nothing but standing in it (much less by actually deciding to move toward it!).
In many self-growth practices this idea of moving toward the pain is called learning to 'be with'. Hospice workers learn it thoroughly, but for the rest of us, it can be a shock to step toward and not away.
Learning to 'be with' is one of things I can really suck at sometimes.
So... how do I want to be with the part of me that wants to be rid of that part of me that really sucks at this?
© 2010 Elese Coit
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' on http://elesecoit.com"
Thank you.
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' on http://elesecoit.com"
Thank you.
