Pair #69 - The bravery to be average
We all celebrate achievements and successes, but sometimes I wonder if our occasional champagne-fueled trophy ceremonies, while celebrating the lone winner, aren't attended by a crowd of self-punishing people who mainly feel bad it's not them.
I mean underneath, we all are aware of having set high sites on a goal and then failed. Maybe miserably and humiliatingly. And then we turned that failure into the lifelong drive to never feel that sting again. We set a course toward destination Avoid Failure At All Costs, and whenever we do that we pay a high price. From where I'm standing I think two things happen
we lie to ourselves and we try to be something we can never be: a perfect human.
We lie to ourselves because we tell ourselves being perfect is possible, which it is not. We tell ourselves striving for perfect works to create perfection. Which it does not.
Then we abandon ourselves. We walk right out of our own bodies when we think that it's possible to be anything other than who we are.
To achieve something feels good. I made a promise to myself that every month I'd keep my accounts up to date and every time I do that and keep my commitment, that feels good. Nothing wrong with that. And I notice that doing what I say, and living up to what I believe doesn't require me to be perfect. Just to live and be myself. Maybe living as myself actually requires that I mess up - otherwise how can I even know my own preferences.
We don't need to make what we are perfect, that is just another form of self-punishment. You can't self-punish yourself into loving yourself. Might as well let it out - warts and all.
This week...consider rewarding yourself for doing a terrible job.
You might notice that you are still yourself - perfectly acceptable You.
I mean underneath, we all are aware of having set high sites on a goal and then failed. Maybe miserably and humiliatingly. And then we turned that failure into the lifelong drive to never feel that sting again. We set a course toward destination Avoid Failure At All Costs, and whenever we do that we pay a high price. From where I'm standing I think two things happen
we lie to ourselves and we try to be something we can never be: a perfect human.
We lie to ourselves because we tell ourselves being perfect is possible, which it is not. We tell ourselves striving for perfect works to create perfection. Which it does not.
Then we abandon ourselves. We walk right out of our own bodies when we think that it's possible to be anything other than who we are.
To achieve something feels good. I made a promise to myself that every month I'd keep my accounts up to date and every time I do that and keep my commitment, that feels good. Nothing wrong with that. And I notice that doing what I say, and living up to what I believe doesn't require me to be perfect. Just to live and be myself. Maybe living as myself actually requires that I mess up - otherwise how can I even know my own preferences.
We don't need to make what we are perfect, that is just another form of self-punishment. You can't self-punish yourself into loving yourself. Might as well let it out - warts and all.
This week...consider rewarding yourself for doing a terrible job.
You might notice that you are still yourself - perfectly acceptable You.
