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#59  Here comes Mr. Brightside
Don’t you just hate it when you are in the middle of something painful and someone says “Well you have to look on the bright side!”

Not that I’m against positive thinking, but I don’t think it really cheers anyone up to pretend they feel fine when they don’t.  (You know how it feels to have someone being all smiles and telling you they are not mad while they are clenching their teeth and fists - it’s dissonant and it’s downright scary).

The only way it works for me to “look on the Bright Side” is if the Bright Side is true.

I’ve never been able to fake myself into happiness.  I have found, however, that happiness is not ever far away, even in the worst of times.

Here’s my theory.  Think of anything ‘bad’ that’s happened to you, maybe losing a job or  breaking up with someone you thought would always be in your life.  In my experience, as the years passed, I managed to appreciate the opportunities that these moments of loss created: I have found love and a job I love, for example.  

What that means is that, with time, I’ve always been able to enjoy some benefit.  So why not just compress time?  I’ll either get the lesson now, or I can have it later. I might as well just shake hands and get aquainted and spare myself the wait.

Maybe that is really the only choice we are ever making.

© 2010 Elese Coit
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' on http://elesecoit.com"

Thank you.
 
 
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Pair #34 Please Place Your Oxygen Mask Over Your Nose and Mouth
Self Help is pretty much what it says on the tin isn’t it?  Helping the self.   So is that ultimate selfishness, or ultimate responsibility?

If you stop to think about it, self-help leads directly back to one's own navel pretty fast.  In the midst of an "it's all about me" culture, Self Help seems to make sense.  Yet, some of the most fulfilled lives have been spent considering, fighting for, writing about and trying to understand others.

What then, of the  Oxygen Mask idea?   Put your own mask on so you don’t snuff it before you even get the chance to assist someone else.  Doesn't that suggest that selfishness is almost required before you can assist another?...
 
 
OK, it's time for a rant.

Anyone here not had enough of their suffering and worried thinking yet? Please stand up and go make a cup of tea.

Those still sitting...if you want to become clearer in thinking and expression (and you don't have an undiagnosed chemical imbalance) then the only remedy I know is a daily dose of quietness of the mind.

You really don't even know what the roots of problems are (or how to solve them) until you come into better control of the thought process.  Now by 'control' I really mean that you come to a place of ease and clarity in thinking.  Not that you become the thought patrol.

Paradoxically, though, the only way I know to create that 'ease and clarity' is to stop dabbling and get serious about some kind of daily practice.  I'm not saying you can't get a quiet mind another way. 

But for most of us, ease will take effort.

Sucks huh?

Look, if there is a good chance your issues are not chemical, dietary, or medical, then there is a high chance this just might work.  So what it really means if you don't do it is super simple.  You really have not had enough yet (see my previous posts on this one, just below!).

I bet you have already been exposed to enough great methods and enough superb advice and information by now to be able to choose something that you like and that works for you as a mind-calming practice.  Choose the thing that gives you the greatest sense of peace, ease and focus and then commit, absolutely, to make it happen daily - no matter what.  I mean that.  Like, Everyday.

That's my unsolicited (but sound) advice.

So how about it? Hearing the objections in your head?  Got a really good story about why that can't happen? Stop listening to it right now and pick up your phone.  Getting a routine going when you're not used to it can be hard for anyone, so get a daily check in buddy who you will report to.

Barring that, hire a coach. Pick someone you know is going take no excuses and is going to support you lovingly and tell you the truth.  I want you to pay for their great service.

Because if you do that, what you will be doing is telling you, finally, that you are serious.

You'll be glad you did.  But you won't know that for a while so just take my advice.  Feel free to curse as much as you want, but get started anyway.

Ready. Steady. Go.
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Pair #10  You want fries with that stress?

More on commitment and practice and just how good it feels (maybe)
Radio show
2/24/10  Get Creative, Get Unstuck 
2/05/10  Ultimate Psychological Freedom
1/22/10   Procrastinate No More
Other Commitment and Procrastination- busters

© 2010 Elese Coit
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' each day on http://elesecoit.com"

Thank you.
 
 
Recently I was responding to a forum post from someone waiting to be in "the best place possible" before they got started with a project that was important to them.  It made me think...

... timing and readiness are important, but I also think there is a difference between being in the best place we can be and being in the perfect place - as we embrace new challenges.  

To be in the best place in me means actually caring for myself well (doing something called 'self care') and showing up fully present.  In other words, more aware of what is going on right now in front of me and more focused right here in this minute than either in the past or in the future.  When I am present I not only know what to do, but also what not to do and what I am ready and not ready for.  

When I am waiting to be in the perfect place, well, that's it isn't it? I'm waiting.  I generally feel I'm not up to the tasks in front of me. That they are simply too big, and I am simply too small.  I think I have to be something I'm not in order to live my life.  I forget that clearly I am enough to live my life perfectly well.  The proof of that is I'm here.

The moment I start wobbling around thinking there is something I need to fix or some ‘better place’ I’ll arrive at one day: be it a place of greater understanding, a place of less ego, or a place of less stress then I try to get ready for that big fixing task.  Sometimes that takes a whole lifetime.  (Know anyone who's been 'getting ready' for a lifetime?)
 
While I believe it is good to do things when we are ready, what I notice is we also find lots of ways to tell ourselves - we are not ready yet.

Today I’m reflecting on just how much our ‘not ready yet’ can cost us.  And perhaps, the world.
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Pair #6 Unready for Readiness
© 2010 Elese Coit
If you wish to reprint, feel free, please link back here and if it's of use, include:
"Elese Coit is a leader in transformative personal change and Hosts the Radio Show A New Way To Handle Absolutely Everything. To see the world differently, reach for one of her '101 New Pairs of Glasses' each day on http://elesecoit.com"

Thank you.