Yet even while these are hidden in the recesses of our minds, we seek ways to release ourselves from the past.
As one who had a violent marriage to a heroin addict, I was such a person. I would have given everything I had to someone who could have helped me transcend my own trauma. But shedding it looked impossible to me. For a long time I could not count a single day when I was not terrified.
Being in that wilderness without an exit was the lowest point in my life. As time passed I had good days when I forgot about it all. I had fewer bad days. I longed for, but wasn't quite able to find what I really wanted: my complete freedom.
Then the way to freedom showed itself. Not in a blaze of light, but a small parting of a curtain. And as I persisted in finding out what was behind that curtain I found my own way.
Sydney Banks, a great teacher of kindness wrote "The Missing Link" and in it he said:
There is no way to guarantee a trouble-free life.
Life is like any other contact sport.
You may encounter hardships of one sort or another.
Wise people find happiness
not in the absence of such hardships,
but in their ability to understand
them when they occur.
To me, Syd is suggesting we all allow our own deeper nature to show us the way forward through love and understanding. He is inviting us to look away from the searing pain and toward the spiritual, formless side of life -- not to ignore what is happening now -- but to look behind it. To look to something more.
During the time I looked for my answers, I read many spiritual books. Among them, "A Course In Miracles." I even worked helping to translate the Course in the very early years before any translations had yet been published. The Course has been in my life for 30 years now, off and on, and I must admit it has both comforted me and confounded me.
I came across this on page 591 today:
You need no healing to be healed.
The miracle comes quietly into the mind that stops an instant and is still.
It comforts me to know that these messages of help are everywhere, although we may miss them or not understand them. But even more than this, what truly helps me today is to know that there is a spiritual, or formless life that is me, and remains unchanged regardless of what happens to me.
How can we turn to the remembrance of what we are, within the formless nature of life itself, and know that it is inviolate?
How can we be in acknowledgement of the events and yet separate and untouched by their consequences?
It seems impossible. Yet, it is not. That is all I know. For so it has been for me.