Five Ways You Make Your Life Happen 08/20/2010
Howard Falco has been an inspiration to me over the last couple of years and I'm thrilled his book "I AM: The power of discovering who you really are" goes on sale on Sept 2, 2010. When I spoke with Howard recently on the show (Listen Here), we talked in depth about the way in which we create - how each of us moves all the pieces into place that assemble all the elements of our lives in each moment. Just as you have assembled everything to be right here, right now, reading this. In my experience, creation is a process of intention, feedback, understanding and action and Howard has summed up this process so nicely I wanted to share that with you. This is from page 314 of I AM "The journey of consciously creating life is a repeating cycle of the following five steps
The universe can only respond to the identity you truly believe you embody." Thanks Howard. The Qualities That Will Save Your Life 01/15/2010
When I got Lynne Klippel's book, Overcomers Inc., in the post, I have to say my initial reaction was I liked the book, hated the word. Overcomers. I don't want to be an overcomer. I want to sail effortlessly through life and have everything be easy. Overcoming is such a dull, pedestrian task. Maybe, "Go Climb That Mountain!" just make you tingle with inspiration, but it makes me want to climb back into bed. I read the book and the true life stories in it, and although I still don't like to think of myself as an overcomer, I have to admit that I am. We all are. If you got through asking someone on a first date, or wearing really high heels for the first time, you are one too. And that's not a dull thing at all. In fact, there are some pretty hefty qualities that we need to be able to call on when the going gets tough. Here's what I think those are: Taking responsibility Surrendering Trust Willingness In every real life experience in that book, as well as in my own life and the lives of people I coach, these are the core of creating a new life - whether you are creating on the rubble of an old life, or you are just ready to move to the next square on the board. Taking Responsibility OK, swallow hard now, this is the painful part. Yes. We all have to take on the fact that we live in our bodies, and that what we chose is what makes our life a heaven or a hell-hole. Until we do, even if it's just saying, "I'm really the only one who can get me out of this mess", no change can begin. As Debbie Ford used to say in our training, over and over again, "No one is coming to save you." Ouch. Surrender This is a bit sucky too. When you are very used to being the project manager of the universe, or at the very least queen in your own teacup, surrendering to the idea that you just don't know how to fix it is, well, let's just say, not fun. Surrendering doesn't mean giving up, it just means giving way. You have to get your own ideas out of the way in order for new ones to come in. In my life, this often mean surrendering some idea of who I am, in order to get a glimpse of a bigger me. Trust We place our trust in many things, including the universe, our pets, our friends, and our lovers. Maybe you trust that things will 'all work out for good' or some other spiritual principle. Whatever you chose to trust is up to you, the one thing I know you can trust, always? Your own inner guidance. When that channel is clear it is never leading you astray. It might take you in a direction you don't like, but that's another matter! Willingness Oh, you have to be willing to change, to move, to be different, to let go of what you thought would be. Willingness is the oil that greases all the wheels. Willingness to try the new, to step when you can't see forward very far, and willingness to fail - help you take it all less personally. And that's a good thing. For more on this topic listen to the radio show from January 15th with Lynne Klippel 5 Tips for Staying Balanced (by Asha Praver) 01/08/2010
 Times are uncertain. There are no easy solutions. Our inner beliefs are being tested by circumstances that seem beyond our control. Whether the future will be the same as the past, or bring an entirely new paradigm, remains to be seen. Whatever the future holds, the present uncertainty is both an opportunity and an incentive to build inner strength. Now is the time to develop those attitudes and habits that will enable us to face, with calm acceptance and joy, whatever comes. Here are five tips to stay balanced: Relax Upward: Don’t think only in terms of “down time.” Think also of “up time.” There are two ways to relax. One is to shut down awareness with things like television, beer, or excessive sleep. The other way to rejuvenate is by expanding awareness. Build into your daily or weekly schedule spiritually centering activities. Learn to meditate. Read uplifting books. Attend classes on life-enhancing subjects. Listen to calm, inspiring music. Be out in nature. Get to know yourself in solitude and silence. Be Original: To be original does not mean doing something that has never been done before. It means to act from your own point of origin. Don’t allow yourself to become a dull reflection of the world around. Think deeply. Act consciously. Be sincere in everything that you do. If circumstances require you to accommodate yourself to the needs and demands of others, concentrate on inner freedom. See yourself as a single thread in the vast, unfolding tapestry of life. Through love, compassion, and generosity of heart, make yourself into a thread of gold. Be Creative: The secret of prosperity is creativity. This will become especially important if times get hard. Whether you define success as all the things that money can buy or all the things that money can’t buy, a creative person never accepts failure or limitation as the final decree of fate. If one approach didn’t work, then go after the same goal from another angle. See every day, every situation as a fresh opportunity to discover some yet unknown possibility. Be on the lookout for new and improved ways of doing even oft-repeated tasks. Be mentally active. If your work leaves your mind free, then sing, pray for yourself and others, memorize and repeat poetry. Creativity in itself brings joy. And sooner or later, the positive magnetism of your creative attitude will bring you whatever you seek. You Are What You Eat: Think in terms of life force. Fresh, natural food is filled with vitality. Devitalized food makes, not only a heavy body, but also a heavy mind. In these uncertain times, you can’t afford the extra burden. There is so much life force in an apple, for example, that, if you bury it in the ground, the seeds can sprout, and one apple becomes an apple tree. Bury a “Big Mac,” and nothing more will come of it! The net result of consuming too much over-processed foods is less than zero. It takes more energy to digest such foods than they can ever give back to you in life force. Trying to right the balance with more caffeine is not the solution! You don’t have to be a fanatic and change your diet overnight. Just gradually begin eating more foods in their natural state or close to it, and your own experience will be your guide. Strength in Numbers: You have to walk the path yourself, but you don’t have to walk it alone. In times of stress especially, the presence of like-minded companions can make all the difference in whether you keep going or give up in despair. If you don’t have supportive friends, then go out and find them! Group spiritual practices are especially beneficial, giving you the experience and power you need to go deeper on your own as well. Visit meditation centers, churches, and spiritual groups of all kinds until you find those people and practices that resonate with your own inner self. Listen to the show with Asha here Asha Praver is a lecturer, teacher, counselor, Spiritual Co-Director of the Ananda Palo Alto Community, and author of Swami Kriyananda as We Have Known Him. Asha has been trained in yoga, meditation, and spiritual living by Swami Kriyananda, who was a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda. Since 1969 Asha has been a disciple, a meditator, and an intentional community member. Contact Asha at www.ashapraver.com. The Old, The New, and The Unknown 01/04/2010
 This year I did something I’ve never done before. I spent New Year on my own. Alone. No parties, no champagne, no midnight kiss. Crazy, I know. And amazing. I looked at the year ahead and I thought: "Do I want a year that looks like a hard walk uphill, or a nice path to somewhere I actually want to go? What could I do to make my goals fun and my path nicer to walk whether I got to the 'goals' or not? I had this idea to take 4 days in personal retreat, on my own, in Baja, to just think it through. And on Wednesday, off I drove... What would I do when I got there? There were a few things I knew I wanted to do. One was, I had the idea I could just make the year a bit easier and more 'successful' for me with some conscious planning. ('Conscious' not 'strenuous'). I wanted to really close out the last year and somehow milk the lessons from it, in a real way. I wanted to launch the New Year with a feeling of a clean slate, with some direction and focus. I wanted to spend some time giving thanks and acknowledging those who’ve helped me. And then there were the things I just wanted to leave behind in 2009 and simply say goodbye and good riddance to. But the real reason I went on my self-imposed personal retreat is that I just had this very strong feeling. Something inside that I couldn’t ignore just said ‘do this’. Now, that to me is amazing: not the experience of knowing something, but the fact I actually listened to it. I talk a lot about listening to inner guidance, but if I’m honest I can look back on my life and see many, many times I have not. In fact, there have been so many moments when I knew not to say yes to that second date with someone, when I realized that what was about to come out of my mouth was going to get me in big trouble, or when I withheld support from someone or judged a passerby and knew I could be less cruel. I realize, much to my horror that I know what is right for me and what is not – but that I also have an ‘override’ button. In fact, I am much more practiced at overriding my gut direction than I am at following it. So I am particularly grateful to be able to say that 2009 was a year of paying attention to my inner compass, and learning to follow the pointy arrow. As for my retreat, that was also a success. I reviewed the old and said farewell. I welcomed the new and created space for it. I came to my desk this morning with an invigorated sense of possibility and some new commitments. I don’t have the year mapped out, and there are no ‘shoulds’ or ‘to do’ lists. But I have created a map for 2010 that will be fun to explore. It won’t be news to anyone to know that if I intend to explore new territory, I’ll need not just my new map, but also a few new tools. For me, that means some new habits (creating more, writing more) and some renewed commitments (making the radio show more meaningful and more helpful in serving people). It involves planned giving for the first time. This is probably where the whole exercise of going on a retreat has been most useful, because I was able to spend 4 days not only thinking “What would I like to create next year?” but also to look at “…and how would that look; what would I need to change if I were to do that?” It was an exercise in imagination that I would not have engaged in quite the same way if I’d stayed home. Four days alone over New Year proved to be one of the best things I’ve ever done and there were a couple additional keys to this being so fruitful for me. Here’s what I took with me:
Not invited were: email inbox, Facebook, Twitter. My iPhone was for Kindle only (Is now a good time to apologize for being AWOL all last week?) End result: Wow.  One of my sunsets Exploring your own happy 12/14/2009
 Last week on the show "Will the Real Happy please stand up..." I spent some time digging below the surface of a very commonly accepted idea: happiness is inside you. Very few people would quarrel with that idea anymore. We seem to have a sense that we can't find happiness outside ourselves, but guess what? We look anyway. As I heard this week. "I know money doesn't buy happiness but I'd like the chance to find out for myself!" The way to find out about happiness could well be to become a gazillionaire and see, but between now and then, there's lots you can do to understand what happiness is for you. The show looks at these, and you also have two archive shows with Robert Holden (on June 5th and July 24th) exploring the 10+ Keys to Happiness. Great shows. Meanwhile, if you'd like to explore this right now, here are some questions for you to journal on or think about: What are the top 5 lessons on happiness your life has taught you so far? For each one.... How has it influenced your life? How well have you learned it? And you might want to take on a practice for the week to notice When you are at your happiest When you feel most alive / on purpose Let me know how you go... Tracing the Lines of Your Story 12/06/2009
 We all have explanations for why our lives are the way they are: divorce, money fear, angry households growing up. I dedicated a show to how to unravel your story and get free. (Nov 25, 2009). The reason you might want to get to know your story is so that you can really be honest with yourself about the ways your story might be ruling your life - instead of you being in charge! If there is something in your life you want and you haven't got round to it yet... if there is something you do, that you've promised yourself you'd stop doing, but you 'just haven't yet' ... you probably have a story about why this is the case. If you really want to make that change that you say you are aiming for, getting shot of your story is critical. A story is made up of all the stressful thoughts and beliefs that you hold about why things are the way they are (and usually, why they can't change!) In the show I talk about the story of 'my father left me' and how that devastated me and ruined my relationship with my father for many years. It's because I got wise to my story, that my father is my best friend today and we have a great relationship. If you feel ready to start owning your life, rather than being a victim of your story I hope you'll use the show, and try out the ideas. In this show I gave an exercise for revealing and tracing the links of your story. Here it is:
Fear - the great motivator? 11/17/2009
 I was talking with Guy Finley on the show on November 6th about how useless and destructive fear is. Afterward I got asked, 'Isn't fear is a 'good thing'? Don't we need fear to motivate ourselves? Do you G-up with Fear so you can get out the door to work? Do you remind yourself how afraid you will be to go out in public so you'll get on that diet and stick to it? Kirstey Ally's fear of being seen in a bikini in public didn't keep her on a diet, (she announced on Oprah she'd lose weight and then come back in her bikini the next show). I don't dispute that if enough fear is applied to us we can be forced to do things that we don't want to do. We can be forced at gunpoint to rob a bank, for example. But, what kind of life would that add up to, and by the same token, have you noticed that the effects wear off really quickly? (yeah, Kirsty did too). A sense of total and present danger can't possibly be what keeps us going for 10, 20 or 30 years? And if it does, wow. Knowing what we know about fear and stress... the health impact alone is mind-boggling, not to mention the potential for increased addiction and just living in the misery of scaring ourselves to death in this way. The fact is, when we want to do something we don't need fear as a tool to be able to do it. Really. You don't need fear of how people will see you, to get healthy and want to look good. You don't need to use your fear of losing everything to get up and go to work each day. Which coach makes you want to play a better game - the one who makes you love the game no matter how you play, or the one who tortures you by telling you that you will never win if you don't practice? Of course, the truly sad part is I don't need society or my sports coach to make me afraid because apparently I'm willing to scare myself - all based on the idea that fear motivates. How is it we haven't noticed yet that it doesn't? I notice that no matter how much punishment is applied, people still commit crimes. The 3 strikes rules and the death penalty, don't make people behave. We 'behave' well and live up to our own expectations when we are feeling well in ourselves. Not when we are afraid. Using fear to become something we hope to be is like powering down the mainframe and hoping all the programs will still run properly. The internal compass of a healthily functioning individual doesn't need constant punitive threat to hold its own direction. According to George Pransky in Rennaissaince of Psychology, "People who do not know of the existence, reliability and accessibility of the conscience built into healthy physchological functioning try to substitute memorized values and ethics. These values and ethics, because they are imposed from the outside, need to be reinforced by punishments and rewards." So basically, we might need to use fear of punishment to motivate ourselves, the more we are living life for someone's approval other than our own. Pransky goes on to assert that our natural conscience is the built-in guidance system meant to direct our lives and it works very well indeed. When I think of conscience as a guidance system and not an adopted set of morals that are based on punishment and reward, I just heave a sigh of relief for us all. And I want to add to this, if we lived by this conscience, and followed that inner compass more often, the world might seem more of a habitat of brothers. When you think you are alone and surviving by the approval of others, maybe you do need fear just to rule your own behaviors. When you are satisfied with you, and your life, you need little more than the still small voice inside in order to do the best thing possible for the rest of the whole planet: be genuinely you. The world needs more people like you. | Ideas & Tips
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