This week I put into practice what I'll call the 'three fingers' principle.  It stems from that oft-repeated saying that anytime you point the finger at other people there are three pointing back.

Anyway, I was just trying this on this week - uncomfortable as this can be - and it reminded me how freeing it  is.

Here's how it goes: You use your judgement of another to see something about yourself. Check to see if that thing which you are accusing isn't also you and if you can't find it in you, check for the shadow (the opposite) of that thing. Now in order to make '3 fingers' work for you,  be willing to use the information as revelatory, not accusatory.  In short - no beating yourself up!  It's all about understanding that we are all a little bit of everything, which allows you to get off of other people's backs, release you both from all the hellish things that you think (projections) and give yourself half a chance of actually seeing them for who they are.

When you see that the ammunition you are using against a person is actually part of you too it helps you soften to them and to yourself and sometimes even let go and connect more.

Here's my example: 

My swift judgement was that someone was "confused and not together".     As soon as I turned this back to me,  it immediately occured to me: "I'm a know-it -all'."   I often think that I am supposed to have all the answers and have it all together ALL the time.  Of course I would pick on someone I think doesn't!  What a classic projection.  Of course,  this is also a very painful way to live because it allows me no mistakes.  Imagine, it doesn't work all that well for me, but I want her to 'get it together'.  Wouldn't we both be better off if we just lightened up?

Seeing this has allowed me to let go completely of my judgement of this person and just be ok with who we both are.

What a relief.
 
 
"Even better than the real thing" - U2

Looking out over the glistening ocean on a full moon night  when everything is clear and all you can see is miles of sky and little dots of light everywhere, set to the music of the ocean rolling against the shore...  a moment of perfection.  When I am aware of nothing except that breathing is happening and there is a sense of something larger than myself. Nothing is wrong or right.  Nothing needs changing or fixing.

So I had a strong reaction when I heard, "Yeah, did you see the moon last night, it was like a Disney movie."

It was like a Disney movie?

So apparently, I did not realize this, but Disney has this incredible capacity to take a natural phenomenon and make it 'even better'.  Enhancing the moonlight to even greater moonlit-ness.  The ability to make shimmering more shimmery. 

I am saddened by this.  Saddened that Disney is a standard bearer for what is beautiful in life, but more, I'm saddened at what it drains from us as human beings that that the natural beauty of the world somehow doesn't quite hold up to its celluloid enhanced counterpart.  It's just simply better if there are lots and lots and lots of shimmers. The way we look outside and see it, with maybe not so many shimmers, that is just a poor substitute.

Isn't this what we currently suffer from? Rampant not-good-enough-ness.  Oh, it's  good, but it can be made better.  Our bodies are good, but they could be better: a nip here, some weight loss, a bit of molding and shaping.  I remember overhearing a mother talking to her daughter about a nose job "But honey," she said, "If you know you can make it prettier, why wouldn't you?"  So, let's see... I'm fine as I am and I have everything I need but, oh I almost forgot... I could be better.   Even in self-development, the never-enough-ness is rampant too.  I know, I do it.  And I suffer because of it.

In our striving to improve, we become not only less content, but less able to see the real beauty of what is before us.  The beauty in ourselves and in others.  In fact we come to think that we can't just be us at all.   We need to be better than us. We need a bit of air-brushing.

Well maybe Disney could make us all look "Better than the real thing" but I hope not.  The real thing is just fine by me.  Warts and all.